It’s a real pain having your own spaceship.
It must be the same as having your own aeroplane. You must have somewhere to keep it; at a place where it can take off and land. Such places are rarely convenient for those places you want, or need, to go.
I considered getting a small aircraft to get about - saves a lot of questions, UFOs, that sort of thing. I watched the Earth people. They:
Land away at a small airfield. On arrival, give money to someone for the privilege. Get a taxi into town (for there are no sensible rural bus services or trains). Do what they need to do then reverse the process. Meanwhile fog or high wind has appeared making it difficult or dangerous to return home. Spend a night away from home, seething. If the trip has crossed water, consider getting home via ferry or Cheapojet. Then, reverse this trip to recover personal plane.
In general, Earth people, out of jealousy, do not sympathise with aeroplane owners and like to regulate them.
People don’t consider this. Nor do they consider the sheer amount of regulation surrounding their means of transport. Personal medicals, current proficiency, licences to fly in bad visibility, night…it goes on.
Similarly, these problems arise with your own spaceship. I don't need a medical, don't need a licence; I don't give a UFO about your regulations.
However, one can’t just go buzzing around causing a fuss everywhere. There are procedures to attend to. I should not be seen by a large proportion of your population.
"That? Nah! Just that UFO. Pops by regular as clockwork; bit bored with it now, yawn."
Yeah, right. That'll work, as they say in USA.
My personal circumstances therefore dictate that I live out and away in the countryside, far away from the hub of activity in the main cities. More of that later.
As you may have decided, I’m not from round here. We aliens usually land in USA. Not because they are a techno-superior nation, just that USA has the size and remoteness I have mentioned. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful country, and the people are much nicer than the people in the east would have you believe, but, especially since they had their 9/11, their Air Force! Cheese! – I hear them say that – or Cheesus or something like it.
Last time, before I left, I was flying there when I was suddenly flanked by two fighter jets. Well, no surprise; the ship knew they were coming but was adopting a relaxed attitude toward informing me I may be in danger.
I could hear their Sidewinder missiles growling in the pilots’ intercoms. This meant I might have to fly away at some fantastic gee acceleration to escape the missiles when I can’t be bothered to kit up in all the anti gee clothing just for a jolly round the sky. There's a certain amount of anti G built in for me but not enough for the out-acceleration of those missile rocket motors.
So I just let them stay with me for a while until I simply stopped – I can slow down and pull alongside too quickly for them – or even come to a complete halt and hover while they overshoot and spend ten of your Earth minutes regrouping and coming back to find me. I’m normally well gone, outa there, by the time they do.
This time I hovered and waited. You would call this mischief. I listened to their radio calls back to base. I had to admire their cool procedural style. Inside, surely they were excited, well alight with speculation? Aliens have the last laugh though; we know they can’t go public.
Yes, there they were, two F-16s, National Air Guard. They’d switched off their missiles. I overheard them saying they had no acquisition. They wouldn’t, I mean, with my technology on board, hah! I’d be gone, vertical, up or down, before they even squeezed a trigger. Trigger? Of course I know what a trigger is. I’m humanoid with opposing thumbs etc. What do I look like? Well, like you most of the time. We were you; once, apparently. Or you are like us, would be more accurate…
I listened to the radio. They’d decided to try and talk to me.
“Unidentified aircraft, this is Mike Juliet 478. State your airfield origin and destination..!”
I’m not supposed to make contact yet. Is Earth ready for the Deep Space Federation? Hah! Deep Space…
I love your sci fi movies. Earth people, especially Americans, always transpose their own ideas onto the unknown. Still, what else do you have to go on?
They were circling around me. About a two kilometre radius circle. Quite tight to maintain. Fun over, I wondered which was the best option. Everyone’s heard of the fantastic acceleration of UFOs.
Boring, so I touched a pad, and simply disappeared.
What did they say?
“WTF!”
Well you would.
Omi
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